This idea all started with a picture. I opened my TimeHop, and the pain hit me like a bolt of lightning. I am so grateful for this picture, yet so heartbroken. This photo was taken right before we discovered that mom’s cancer had spread to her brain, right before she entered hospice care.
It will be two years this May since Mom passed away. Some days it feels like no time has passed at all, other days it feels like she’s been gone a lifetime. The pain is still there, it will always be there, and while I feel like I have learned how to navigate the ebbs and flows of this grief, sometimes the pain is too much to bear. I have tried a handful of things to cope with the grief – some of my favorite things to do include reading and running, and while those are helpful, I needed something more. Talking with my husband, family, and friends has always been helpful, but when you have survived such a monumental loss in your life, your thoughts go to that person daily, and bringing her up so frequently makes you feel like a broken record. I craved a more creative outlet.
A dear friend of mine bought me a beautiful journal a year or so after my mom passed away. She also lost her mom a few years ago to cancer, and she said she’s been writing in a journal ever since as an outlet to cope. She recommended that I use the journal as a gratitude journal; everyday, write a short list of things that you are grateful for. She told me it was life changing for her; she said after awhile your mind begins to shift from a place of negativity to a place of peace and gratitude. I have written in the journal a handful of times, but I have never been able to make it a daily routine. I either never had it on hand at a time when I felt inspired, or making a conscious effort every day to sit down and write felt overwhelming.
So I decided to write journal entries online every day instead. This seems like a lot more work, but I really want to give journal writing another try. Between home, work, and my phone, I’m connected enough to be able to jot things down whenever I felt inspired throughout the day. While I’m setting out to make this a journal of gratitude, I’m going to take this day by day and see where this creative journey takes me.