#117 Photographs.

I have a photograph that sits on my desk.  It was taken the fall that we found out my mother had stage IV breast cancer.  The fall foliage was absolutely stunning that year, and her wish was to get a great family picture while all of us were together that weekend.  Those pictures that we took that day still remain some of my favorite pictures of our family.  We were scared, we were fearful of the future, but we knew we had eachother, and in that moment that was the most important thing.  We were grateful, happy, and even hopeful, and the happiness of being together shines through on our faces.

As I am gearing up for the holidays ahead, I begin ordering lots of different prints of our kids and ourselves to create memorable gifts for our families.  While I am updating photos in our house, on my desk in my office, etc., one picture will always remain.  I think about the years that will pass; the boys will grow, we will all grow old (God willing), and yet this picture of my mother will remain the same, frozen in time.

I would like to know who decided time will heal all wounds.  I think time teaches you how to deal with the pain as best as you can, but it is always there.  I think time passing makes it harder in many ways.  I will never see my mother grow old.  There are a million different family occasions that will occur, photographs will be taken, and yet she will not appear in any of them.  All I have to bring me forward are the memories that we made while she was here, with the evidence remaining in our old family pictures.  I will be forever grateful for the memories we made with her while she was here, but sometimes it is so painful to think about all that lies ahead without her.  I hope she is proud of the woman that I have become, of the mother that I am, and the boys that I am raising.