I really cannot handle shopping in baby stores. I recently helped host a baby shower for a dear friend in my office, and I needed to run to the baby store to shop for her gift. When I am with my husband and my kids, I have a distraction. Today, however, I did not have the chaos of shopping with small children to take my mind off of my surroundings, and I struggled to make it through the store with dry eyes.
I remember those early days of taking Will out in public; the terrified feeling of him crying and my mother soothing him so calmly, gently. It was such a comfort to see her stay calm in the midst of his angry outbursts, and it gave me hope to see that some day I could potentially have that kind of confidence taking care of my own child.
Every time I walk through a baby store, I am reminded of my mother’s absence. So many young moms are pushing their newborn baby in a stroller with their mothers walking next to them. The proud grandmothers are doting on their grandbabies, picking out all sorts of clothing and items to spoil their sweet grandchildren. It is a touching moment, and it is more than my heart can stand.
There are many triggers that I know to avoid, or are better prepared to handle when the situation arises. The difficulty is navigating the triggers that are still unknown; you are slapped in the face with the reality that you are living in, and your emotions get the best of you when you least expect. There may come a day that shopping for a friend’s shower will not send me into a downward spiral of despair, but until then I will remind myself to take heart. And maybe make my purchases on Amazon instead.